One year

A year ago today I moved into the hospital. It feels like a really, really long time ago. I can't believe it even happened to me- it feels so out of body. Although right now I have a friend in the hospital and reading her blog is too familiar so maybe it does still feel a little like it happened to me. All the information about accelerations, decelerations, long monitoring sessions, inadequate nursing, babies going off the monitors, growth checks, BPPs, etc... it's a crappy club to be a part of and no one should have to live it. No one should have to fear for their babies that much.

I also think sometimes about the one women I was in the hospital with who had the cerclage. A few years ago she had an ectopic pregnancy and lost one of her tubes. She got pregnant again though a lot of fertility treatments. Her cervix was measuring so small that she was on bed rest at home at 16 weeks. At 24 weeks she was moved into the hospital. At one point, her cervix measured 4 mm (as a reference, mine was usually 4-5 cms). Her wheelchair and floating privileges were taken away and she was only allow to sit up in bed minimally. I last visited her at 32 weeks after she had been there for 8 weeks. She was like a caged animal. It's completely unnatural to live your life like that. So, yeah, I'm glad I was there. I believe it saved their lives. I believe Clara would have died if I weren't being monitored. But, man, I can't believe I woke up and lived every day with such a heightened sense of urgency and anxiety. I'm glad this year is over and everyone is doing okay.

On to other news... we're working on day 6 of Alex sleeping at night with no diaper. So far, no accidents that we can tell. Hurray!

Take care,
Kris