Competitive NICU mom

I've become what I've feared. I'm now comparing Clara and Evelyn's progress with other babies. Well, actually, one baby in particular. There was another "lifer" on Perinatal with me who delivered a boy at 30w 3d five days after I gave birth. Naturally, her son had no brain bleed, was larger than Clara, and is completely on room air - no cannula or anything. Oh and his mom is producing so much breast milk that the NICU cannot accommodate all her bottles. Meanwhile I'm anxiously awaiting Clara's follow-up brain ultrasound, trying to fight back tears as the doctor tells me that they've had to increase both girls oxygen needs (again), and I'm pumping out about as much milk as a 65 year old man. Apparently I'm one of, like, 2% of women who's breast milk is completely unaffected by Reglan. It's super fun to be hooked up to the pump 4 hours a day for little drip drops of milk. And, seriously, can't we catch a break on their breathing? I think we're looking at at least 6 more weeks in the NICU and it's getting more and more likely that they'll come home on oxygen. I just want to see their beautiful faces without all the tubes and now who knows when that'll happen. So - it's ridiculous to compare them to the 30 weeker, but it's impossible not to. I know that these girls were in distress in utero for a long, long time and that we should be so thankful they even got out alive, but it's really hard when you get your hopes up and you finally find some optimism and then they keep taking steps backward on their breathing.

All that aside, some things are going well. They both tried the bottle today and did well. Hopefully this means we can wean them off the feeding tubes soon. We're also very thankful they are gaining weight and not having any trouble with their GI systems. And, certainly, we're thrilled they are off the CPAPs, IVs, and out of the bili lights. So it's not all doom and gloom. Just a little bit :) Mostly when I catch myself really thinking about the loss of a regular pregnancy and a regular set of newborns. I had figured the NICU would be the hardest part of this experience and, despite the doctors telling me that the NICU would be easier than imagined, I'm finding it really difficult. I'm simply tired of being so sad and worried and disappointed all the time.

On to other news....I'm starting back up working in the office tomorrow part-time until the girls are ready to come home. I need to reserve some leave time and I need to occupy my mind with something else. I can't sit in my house or the hospital all day and let this consume me anymore than it already does. I need to start functioning again.

That's it for now. I'll probably update again after we get Clara's scan redone. I don't think they are even going to attempt to take them down on their oxygen flow anytime soon so there's no other need to update on their progress. Assume no news means status quo.

Take care,
Kris

Desats, apnea, and open air cribs

I spoke with the doctor yesterday and she said Evelyn's having more desaturation and apnea spells than one would expect from someone her gestational age, but since she's a preemie there's no way to really say that she's unusual. It's mostly that folks are disappointed that she's not progressing a little faster. I'm guessing (and this is purely a guess) that it means she'll be in the NICU for a little longer to make sure she's caught up. I'm also wondering if it mean that she's at a greater risk for some respiratory issues like asthma later on in life. Who knows?

A couple nights ago they got moved to an open air crib. The little isolette was getting pretty crowded.

Clara's passed her birth weight (something she had done before and then she lost a bunch more - stinker). She's weighing in at 3 lbs 4 oz. Evelyn's slowly getting close to her birth weight. Yesterday she was 4 lbs 1/2 oz. I'm hoping that by today she's above her birth weight.

That's it. They're still on high flow cannulas until all the desats get under control.

Take care,
Kris

More pics - 33% less tragic

Sorry - these are all out of order. Now that they are off their IVs they get to co-bed together and they get to wear clothes. This makes them look considerably less tragic. They look more like babies and less like patients. No other real updates other than they both had to go back up to a high flow cannula. The low flow wasn't cutting it. Anyway, Merry Christmas everyone and take care.

-Kris

Photos

Kangaroo care with Clara

First time holding Evelyn - 4 days old

Evelyn

Clara

First time holding Clara - 4 days old

Clara

Evelyn's foot

Evelyn

I've got some more recent ones with them off the CPAPs and wearing clothes. I'll try to get them posted soon.

Take care,

Kris

Grade 1 hemorrhage

We found out last night that Clara has a Grade 1 intraventricular hemorrhage on the right side of her brain. If the nurse practioner and the internet are to be believed, a Grade 1 IVH is not that big of a deal and relatively common in preemies of Clara's size. Grades 3 and 4 are the ones of real concern. They'll re-ultrasound her in two weeks to make sure it's not any bigger.

Take care,
Kris

IV-BE-GONE Part II

Evelyn's off her IV. Clara is a little behind and probably won't go off for several more days. Evelyn also went down to a low flow nasal cannula (although I'm not all that sure she's going to stay on it). Clara should go on a low flow cannula tomorrow.

We got Evelyn's brain ultrasound results and they are normal. For some reason, Clara's hadn't been read yet. We're hoping to know the results in a few hours.

They are now eating more breastmilk than I can provide. I'm producing enough for one baby, but not two. I started taking Reglan to increase my supply - we'll see if that helps.

Take care,
Kris

Progress

The girls are doing well. Both are off the CPAP and on a high low nasal cannula. This makes them look much less tragic since they only have small tubes going into their noses now. Next step is a low flow cannula and then, eventually, weaning them off to room air. They both responded well to the medicine for their heart defect and both of their arteries closed. Both are also taking breast milk. Hopefully Evelyn will be taking in enough to get off her IV tomorrow with greatly lowers her risk of infection. Clara's a couple days behind Evelyn because she kept getting nasty gunk in her feeding tube thanks to the CPAP blowing stuff around. They got their brain scans today to look for IVH -we should get results back later today or tomorrow. Evelyn's had some apnea episodes and is now on caffeine. I thought I'd help things out by adding more Dr. Pepper into my diet before I pump :) Anyway, they said apnea is pretty normal at this stage as they wouldn't need to be remembering to breathe if they were still inside me. They'll just continue to watch for it and treat it when it comes up.

So, all that's really left is getting them off the IVs, getting their respiratory requirements down, and teaching them how to suck/eat. Once those are done, they just need to grow and get stronger.

I think that's it. Greg and I are excited about their progress. We're also very happy that we get to hold them a little now - once a day.

Take care,
Kris

Quick update

Hi everyone - sorry we've been kind of unresponsive and out of contact. The girls are doing fine. They were under bili lights for about three days and came out this morning. Every day the doctors are hopeful that they can come off the CPAPs and just use the nasal cannula and every day they're not quite ready. Maybe tomorrow -we'll see. They just need their lungs to get a little stronger. Evelyn has a had a few episodes where her heart rate goes down, but so far nothing too scary. They're both getting a little breastmilk fed through gavage. So far so good. They, along with every other baby in the NICU, had some constipation and got glycerin suppositories yesterday. I changed a poopy diaper today so it must of worked.

I finally got to hold them yesterday and today I got to do kangaroo care (skin on skin contact). Both girls did really well being held and it was the happiest I've been in awhile. Greg still hasn't gotten a chance to hold them - hopefully tomorrow or the next day.

When we're in the NICU we have to have our cell phones turned off, so I'm sorry if we're not getting back to people. We're just really overwhelmed by everything and all the emotions that we're feeling. I'm incredibly happy to be home, but it's bittersweet. It's difficult to be here when the girls are at the hospital and I'm trying to spend as much time as possible with them. We're also trying to get me healed and back on track relearning how to be at home.

In other exciting news, Lexie had her baby boy on Friday and Inbal had her baby girl today. All the floaters gave birth within a week of each other. We're all in the same carass.

Thanks to everyone who sent gifts and well wishes. We'll be in touch with folks as soon as things settle down a bit. In the meantime, I'll try to be better updating through the blog.

Take care,
Kris

CPAPs, PDAs and NICUs - our new reality

I wanted to update everyone on the girls. They're still having some respiratory issues - Clara more so than Evelyn. Both girls are off the ventilator and are using the CPAP. I think they're on some fancy version of CPAP that provides something extra - don't quote me on that though. This whole thing is a blur and I'm not always sure what the NICU people are telling us.

They did an ultrasound of their hearts to look for something called patent ductus arteriosus (PDA). PDA is a heart condition were one of the arteries doesn't close. It's common with preemies and with babies who have respiratory issues. Both girls have it and have started medicine to try to treat it. They get 3 doses of the medicine 12 hours apart. After the third dose, they'll check the hearts again to see if the artery closed. If not, they can try the treatment 2 more times. If it's still not effective, there is a chance (slim, I believe) that they'd need heart surgery. I'd love to try to explain it more, but I don't really understand it. Someone should have told us to take some anatomy classes or something before we had preemies in the NICU.

I think those are the major issues right now. We know more are coming up, but right now we're just to get them to breathe well.

Comfortably numb

Okay, here's what happened: Wednesday night my strip was really, really spotty because the girls were in constant motion. The nurse and the resident went ahead and took me off. Yesterday morning, my day nurse came in and said both the nurse practitioner and Dr. 34 weeks were pretty upset that the night folks had taken me off with such a spotty strip. They wanted me on as soon as possible so I got on right away before I could eat my breakfast (which turned out to be a good thing).

I got on the monitor and pretty quickly Clara's heart rate was really, really high. Then it dipped down to 63 bpm and then shot way, way up again. She was clearly in distress. I called the house and asked Greg to come right away. They got me started on the IV, oxygen, and got me in a gown and prepped in my room. The nurse practitioner, Barb, had me resign my consent form for surgery and under her and Dr. 34 week's advice, I opted out of the tubal ligation. They basically both recommended not making a decision like that during an emergency. The anesthesiologist came in and we went over the information about a spinal. Luckily, the situation was emergent, but not necessarily a crisis, so I got to be awake during the surgery. Had Clara's heart rate stayed low, I would've needed to go under general anesthesia.

They wheeled me back, got me my spinal, and got the curtain up. Greg got there and took his place next to me. I felt pretty sick because of the anesthesia and I was thrilled when the anti-nausea meds started to kick in - this is where I was really thankful I hadn't eaten. Any food would have made the emesis basin necessary :) They started the surgery and both girls came out at 9:10 - 40 seconds apart with Evelyn having the slight edge. Evelyn's cord was wrapped around her neck, Clara's cord was really compressed and she wasn't getting the blood she needed, and the knot of cord was pretty amazing. It was about the size of a tennis ball with at least 20 little weaves in and out.

Both girls came out crying. Evelyn's APGAR score were 9 and 9. Clara's were 7 and 9. They bundled them up, let me kiss them, then took them to the NICU. Greg went with them and I stayed back (obviously) to be stitched up. They had the radio on and (I swear I'm not kidding) Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd was playing. How funny is that given that I was, in fact, comfortably numb?

I really lucked out that I had a good team that I knew. Dr. 34 weeks did the surgery. Barb, the NP, assisted and one of my favorite nurses, Kathy, was there as well. Everyone was great about reducing the terrifying nature of everything. Kathy especially was fantastic and she graciously took pictures of the surgery and the cords.

As they were taking the cords out I heard Greg say, "Oh they're not bad.....oh wait, oh my God that's a big knot." The NP took the cords around the hospital staff so people could see momo cords.

The girls got started right away on some oxygen. They both have pretty immature lungs so they bumped them up to a CPAP, and eventually a ventilator (which means we can't hear them cry). Both girls are still on the ventilator. Evelyn's doing a little better and is only taking about 25-30% oxygen. Clara's needs are a little higher at 40-50% oxygen. She's getting distressed with light and a lot sound. They're currently trying to get her settled in a little bit to see if she'll relax and need less oxygen. Oh, and they also both got a dose of Surfactant to help the lungs from collapsing. Right now both girls are still in warmers. Once they stabilize, they'll be able to move into isolettes. Evelyn's IV keeps coming out and it's now in her head - which is really sad looking.

Overall, we're relieved they are out and safer. Given the knotting and the other issues, no one is second guessing the decision to deliver. But I'm not going to lie - it's really difficult to see them in the NICU and they are really small. We can touch them a little bit (no stroking) and hopefully we'll be able to hold them sometime in the next few days. I've started pumping and we're freezing the few precious drops for them to have once they can eat (again - hopefully in a few days).

I guess that's it for now. We're just watching them and hoping they stabilize. I'm recovering okay from the c-section. I'm on some pain meds, but the bigger issue is feeling like I have no abdominal muscles at all. Little things like sitting up are pretty difficult. At least the itching has gone away. It was the side effect of something in the spinal. I looked like a coke addict constantly scratching my nose all day yesterday.

Take care,
Kris

We have daughters!

At 9:10 this morning I delivered two little girls. Evelyn Kate was 4lbs 1 oz and 17 inches. Clara Elizabeth was 3 lbs 2 oz and 15 3/4 inches. They are in the NICU and doing okay. Both girls are having some respiratory issues, which is to be expected with 32 weekers. They make go on the ventilator later tonight.

Surgery went fine. I'll update more when I'm not so limited in my mobility.

Take care,
Kris

Would've been nice to know

Apparently I almost got delivered last night. No one bothered to tell me this until this morning. I guess they had all the staff watching my strips from the nurse's station and the resident had the on-call doctor on the phone and ready to go. Dr. 34 weeks talked to me today and has changed his tune a bit - he told me to be prepared for 32 weeks after last night. Sheesh! All this back and forth is driving me crazy. My strips today have been okay. No big dips or anything, but also no accelerations. I've asked to be monitored a little extra today just to keep an eye on them. I just can't believe that everyone thought I was going to deliver and yet no one told me. Little things like, you know, calling my husband could have been done had I known. Greg decided today that no matter what, as soon as he hears on back on IV fluids, he's coming to the hospital just in case.

At least all this stress will be over within the next 14 days. Then it gets replaced with NICU stress, followed by SIDS stress, followed by all the other stress of having kids. I asked my dad recently when you stop worrying about your kids and he said, "I'll let you know."

Take care,
Kris

Revolving door of nurses

Last night marked, I think, the 5th night in the row that I got a nurse I'd never met before. It's hard to believe that 5 weeks into this, that can still happen. Last night's nurse (not my favorite, by the way) waited until the ripe time of 9:00 to start my monitoring which, naturally, meant to girls acted up and I wasn't able to get off until midnight. Clara started out a bit sluggish, then Evelyn was stuck in a prolonged acceleration, then both girls had a deceleration at the same time. I'm guessing the decel was Clara grabbing Evelyn's cord and Evelyn retaliated by grabbing Clara's. Once they started to settled down, I started having a bunch of contractions (about 6 in 25 minutes) and they had to get me on some fluids to try to get them to stop. Much of the event was a blur to me because the nurse thought I was going to get off the monitor around 11:00 and gave me my Ambien. Everything from that point on happened in a bizarre dream-like state.

Anyway, having a new nurse is really frustrating because I have to re-explain everything - yes, that machine is broken, my vitamins are up there, no - use the barcodes on the outside of the bag, yes - it's normal for me to have an irritable uterus, etc. I'm happy to have Brenda today and David tonight. It's not my job to give an orientation to room 374 every night. Oh, and I also had the resident that I don't like last night. She came in after the prolonged acceleration to tell me everything was fine. While she was in the room, the girls had their decels. She said, "Well, you've just bought yourself more time." Then without saying another word she turned around, walked out, and left my door wide open. I never saw her again over the next two hours. And, come on, close my stupid door. I don't have a ton of freedom around here, at least respect my privacy. And she also got mad when I took myself off the monitor to go to the bathroom. Well, guess what, lady - I've got two babies inside and I'm supposed to be drinking 120-150 ounces of water. These facts mean that I have to go the bathroom....a lot.

Alright, all done complaining.

My new floating partner got her pool privileges taken away. Her cervical length got shorter and she's now on super-duper bed rest and isn't even really allowed to sit up in bed. I'm getting a new floater today though. One of the ruptured sac ladies who's been here about as long as me has been cleared to go to pool.

Take care,
K

Nevermind that whole 12/17 thing

I just talked to Dr. 34 weeks and I asked him what that chances are that a 32 weeker would have mature lungs. He said about 30-35%. Given this information, I decided to just cancel the amnio because I don't want the risks (infection, ruptures sac, etc) with such a low chance of delivery. So, cancelling of the amnio also means no c-section on 12/17. We're officially shooting for 33-34 weeks provided the heart rate tracings look like they have over the last 24 hours. Obviously, the babies have the final say and they can always decide to come whenever they want.

I asked Dr. 34 weeks to battle it out with Dr. 32 weeks. I'd like to stay out of it.

Take care,
Kris

12/17....ish

Remember when I mentioned that my two doctors disagree on 32 versus 34 weeks? Well, Dr. 32 weeks is the one who wanted to deliver me on Monday. Dr. 34 weeks was in Syria during this decision making. Now Dr. 32 weeks is out of town and Dr. 34 weeks is back. Unsurprisingly, this makes the certainty of a 12/17 delivery a little more tentative. What Dr. 34 weeks said he'd do is go ahead and schedule my c-section for Monday afternoon. He wants me to go in Monday morning for an amnio and he's reserving the right to cancel the c-section if he's not comfortable with the maturity of the babies. So....once again, I'm crying wolf. Lots of back of forth and today's the day - no it's not, just kidding. Ultimately, my goal is to keep Evelyn and Clara in as long as it's safe for them. Whether that means I deliver tomorrow or Monday or in two weeks is not important to me. My only other preference is to not have them born between 12/23 and 12/26 since they're going to have to share a birthday with each other for the rest of their lives, they should at least not have to also share their birthday with Jesus.

Take care,
Kris

How could I forget French Jackie?

I forgot all about French Jackie - the nurse from (wait for it.....) France. She looks 15 years younger than she is, pushes the wheelchair terribly and blames her Frenchness for it, drives a corvette, and has tons of fabulous jewelry. She is, clearly, awesome.

And while I'm at it there are assorted other personal:
- Bonnie the food delivery woman who wears jingle bells on her shoes.
- Kit the scrub tech who looks 15, but I'm told is quite fantastic at his job. He seems very sweet.
- Susie the surgical tech who gets more done in an hour that most people do in 6 weeks. She reminds me of a hummingbird constantly in motion.

Girls are doing okay. I've been on the monitor a lot today and I go back on in 10 minutes. I think my status has changed from high risk to uber-high risk so I get kept on when pretty much anything happens and since pretty much every session has a dip, I'm on a lot. I just got a text that Nicole thinks I'm in the OR, so I'm a little worried that these girls are coming out with the next session :)

Oh, and I had another contraction. I would be alarmed if it weren't so cool to feel it and then see it on the strips. And I mean, really, who cares about preterm labor at this point?

Take care,
Kris

Nurses

I keep forgetting to jot down my thoughts about all the nurses I've had - for myself mostly....this will mean basically nothing to anyone but me. I have to say that I love all these nurses :) They are all very good at their job - which can't be easy. Can you imagine spending all day with freaked out, hormonal, high-risk pregnant ladies?

David - My favorite nurse. He's worked on all 7 continents, has a very calming way about him, and his son is dating twins (a fact that David tries not to learn much about). He's got a ton of great stories. One nice thing is his willingness to just sit with me and try to keep the monitors on. It sounds simple, but very few of the nurses will take the time to do it and it makes all of us feel better. He's also been doing this a long time and has a knowledge base that can put things into perspective. Oh, and his hands are warm. Nothing worse that cold hands on your belly.

Charisse - Took a couple sessions to get used to, but now I absolutely love her. She's pretty conservative and will keep me on the monitor just to be cautious. She used to live in Waco (shout out to TX), raises 5 1/2 alpacas (yes..."and a half"), and is 6 foot 2. Oh and she always brings me grape popsicles while I'm on the monitor.

Brenda - Even though I haven't had her much (she and Charisse usually work on the same days) she's incredibly easy to get attached to. She's a good one to call when I'm freaked out as she knows how to frame things in a way that make me feel better.

Kathy - Poor Kathy just got saddled with braces. Her oldest son has lots of baby mamma drama and her younger son just had surgery on his butt. She's a good chatter and, thus, another favorite.

Vicki - Reminds me endlessly of Paula Dean. She's a grandma of twins.

Jennifer - Giggles a lot :)

Anita - Greg described her best as having a German work ethic. She's in, she's out. No messing around.

And there are endless more that I've had - Jennie, Jessica (looks like Jamie Pressley), Linda 1, Linda 2, Rachel, Annalea, the one that looks like Lily Taylor, and probably several more that I'm forgetting. Again, these folks have a tough, tough job and they all do it well.

Smashed your face

Not much to report. The babies are doing fine. Evelyn has been baselining a little lower than usual which means that her regular variability of +/- 20 bpm now puts her low end under 120. Folks here just kind of recognize that it's a shift in baseline and not actual variables. That being said, all my strips still need to be signed off on by a resident.

I've kind of grown fond of my new floating friend. I think she just took some warming up to. My other friend, Inbal, got to go home last week. I'm thrilled for her and I wish her and her baby the absolute best.

Mom's still on babysitting duty and doing a fabulous job. She's graciously agreed to stay until Sunday when Papa and Maggie come in town. Now that we're in the home stretch it's nice to know we've got grandparental coverage at the house. The Hightshoes have been fantastic about dropping everything to help us out, but we'd like to give them a little bit of a break.

Alex appears to be done with all this hospital stuff and has been acting up quite a bit. He took a gigantic swipe at me today and scratched up my forehead. He later retold the event to me like this, "I was crying. You were sitting there and I was sitting here. I smashed your face. You yelled at me. I got a time out and I cried that I wanted my daddy." Which was....accurate.

Take care,
Kris

Tick tock

As the late Jim R would say - here's the deal...the babies cooperated yesterday, but they should start packing for the big move to the NICU. My doctor came by to tell me that she informed the on-call doctor for this weekend (I'll get to who the doctor is in a second) not to tolerate any more downs. She told him if I had any decels over the weekend that the instruction is to deliver. For realsies this time. If I can hold these girls inside, my c-section will be scheduled for either Thursday (31w 6d - 12/13) or the following Monday (32w 3d - 12-17) because my main doctors would prefer to be the ones to deliver and my 32 week turnover happens to be on a Friday that neither of them are in town and I'm guessing scheduled c-sections don't happen on the weekend.

Now here's the funny (not ha-ha) part. The big, fancy, "best in Colorado", Mr. 5280 magazine, and you'll need months to wait before you can see him, MFM (maternal fetal medicine specialist, aka perinatologist) who originally diagnosed the girls would be the one delivering us if they misbehave this weekend. Greg and I really didn't like the guy and we went to great pains to get out of his practice and to come to a hospital that we *thought* he didn't work at. No such luck....apparently, the MFMs all cover for each other. When I expressed my dislike of the guy, my doctor told me to be stern with the babies and tell them to wait until Monday at least. It would just give this cocky doctor the pleasure of diagnosing and delivering another set of momo twins as though we had been his patients all along. I know it's ridiculous to care at this point and, obviously, if it happens the last thing I'll be thinking about is me not liking him. But it would be an interesting little twist in this whole story.

So, expect Greg and me to be parents of 3 no later than 12/17. It's crazy! Neither one of us have really prepared ourselves. Although my experience with one baby is that you can't prepare yourself anyway. You just have to live it.

I hope these girls stay in until them, bu I gotta say, I'm really tired of hospital life. I miss my old life and simple things like sleeping in my bed, driving, waking Alex up in the morning, and walking into the kitchen to get a glass of juice. I miss working. I miss the smell of my closet. I miss snuggling with the dog. I think I did a reasonably good job adapting to this place, but I really want to go home (again, not to jinx anything - I don't want to go home so badly that I have babies today. Let me be clear on that point to the Gods or whoever is listening to my inner thoughts).

Take care,
Kris

IV-BACK-ON

Well, we had another scare. This one we'll call C-Section Scare III - this time it's personal. It was bigger, louder, and more blockbuster-y than Monday's. I'm back on the IV and I got oxygen, 3 nurses, a doctor, and a sonographer this time. Mom was here and managed to effortlessly get Alex out of the room with the promise of ice cream. The on call doctor (I'm not kidding - Dr. Gray who, in addition to Dr. Becker, makes me feel like I'm living in a TV show) watched the ultrasound to look for movement, breathing, heart beats, and blood flow. Long story short, I'm off the monitor for now, but will go back on in a couple hours. I did much better this time - no meltdowns, no crying. I was much more concerned about their heart rates than I was about delivering teeny babies. Good news is that they recovered and tomorrow I'll be 31 weeks.

We timed Greg and it takes him 44 minutes door to door to get here from work.

That's it for tonight. The IV makes it hurt to type.

Take care,
Kris

IV-BE-GONE

Yesterday was a good day. The girls did well enough to get me off the IV - I was being such a baby about that IV. I was whining every second and I think they took it out just to shut me up.

Anyway, they still had some variables, but nothing like what we were seeing on Monday. I had a long talk with my doctor who, like me, thought Monday was going to be the day. We're all very excited that the babies turned around enough to keep them in for at least another day. Each day on in the inside saves us 3 days in the NICU. Doc did say that any more days like Monday and the babies come out. No more dorking around. If they cooperate, they will come out mid-month when I hit 32 weeks.

Lexie (floater friend) came by to visit after her doctor's office. It was great to see her- especially to see her looking like a "real person" with her hair done and carrying a purse. Her fluid is up even more and I'm super excited for her even though I know she's ready to meet Mr. Andy. I'm very anxious to meet him as well. I want to see how long he is....I'm guessing 24 inches (Sorry, Lexie)

Also, thanks to everyone who has been so kind and supportive. I have big plans to stop being so self-centered and "woe is me" when all this is over. I really do appreciate everything that everyone has been doing for us - visiting, bringing treats, taking care of Alex or Ripley, and all the prayers and good vibes. It means a lot to both Greg and me.

Take care,
Kris

IVs are itchy

We had some more problems last night with decels. They started me on an IV to try to boost the heart rates and to go ahead and get it in to save 5 minutes or so in the event of an emergency. I'm guessing that with all the extra monitoring, they'll catch something negative and operate.

In the meantime, I'm pretty much bound to my bed. I'll try to update as much as possible, but I think the frequency of these posts are going to decrease.

Take care,
Kris

p.s. my nurse was very funny last night. He was holding my hand to try to comfort me and the I realized he was stroking my veins in preparation for the IV. When I called him on it he said, "Hey, I'm multitasking." :)

I've been benched

Baby girls are both having too many variables and quick decels (likely cord compression accidents) to keep me on my current monitoring plan of 3 times a day for 30-60 minutes. I've been increased to 4 times a day for 1-2 hours each time. 1 hour if things look good, 2 hours if not so good. This means I'll monitor at 8:00, 12:00, 4:00, and 8:00 leaving me with time to float, eat, and visit with Greg and Alex.

-Kris

Did you know momo twins get tangled?

Clara's having a ton of variables today so I'm marathon monitoring. I thought I'd post really quickly before they put me back on in a half hour.

The girls won't stop moving around and they keep needing ultrasounds to find them. I wish they'd settled down and stop scooting around so much. Every time they move, I'm picturing a new knot or tangle.

The nurse practitioner came in today and made me feel worse. She kept saying how tangled and knotted all momo twins end up and I wouldn't believe what they look like and how she's so shocked every time. So I feel super anxious today. She also kept talking about emergency c-sections and how all the nurses need to be watching my heart rate strips really carefully in case today is the last day and we call it "quits" and operate. You know - I know all this stuff. It's why I'm living here. I'm perfectly aware of my high risk nature. Hearing it spoken so directly to me just makes me feel worse.

Take care,
Kris

Edited to add...Of all the posts I've done, this is the only one I regret. As I read it again, 6 months later, I cringe. The reality is that I loved my NP. She was absolutely fantastic and provided a ton of emotional support. I also happened to be the kind of patient who really wanted things told to me as they were - no sugarcoating. She just caught me on a bad day (not hard to do during the inpatient portion of this journey). Kris

Can't make this stuff up

So, security was roaming around today because some woman reported her vibrator lost or stolen. The poor nurses had to search the rooms trying to find it. Seriously?? The whole thing is bizarre.

They didn't find it.

30 weeks!

Not much to report over the last few days. I made it to 30 weeks and the girls have been doing well. They both had long periods with really high heart rates. Again, normal is 120-160. We want them to have accelerations that go up 15 beats per minute for short periods of time. This shows that they are learning how to regulate themselves (or something - I can't remember everything they tell me). Evelyn got stuck up in the 180s-190s for about 10 minutes and Clara (stinker that she is) ranged from 175-195 for 30 minutes, getting as high as 202 for awhile. The medical folks around here aren't too concerned. They said they're really only looking for decelerations. Their lack of concern wasn't really expressed to me until after they're heart rates returned to normal so I was freaking out and trying to talk them down. Neither Clara nor Evelyn seem to listen to me very well. It's good to see that they're already acting like their brother.

In non-baby news, the hospital stay is taking a toll on my body. Even though I'm not on bedrest there is nowhere really to go and I can feel myself getting weaker everyday. There's also something that happens with all the recirculated air. It feels a little like I've been living on an airplane for 3 1/2 weeks. You can't help but get the nappies and feel kind of sick all the time. Normally, I'd go complain to my floating friend, but she up and left me in favor of home bedrest so I can't park myself in her room and complain.

We got a new floater the other day and she's, how do I say this nicely.... kind of annoying. It seems dumb, but when floating is the highlight of your day and someone whose personality doesn't match up with your own invades that time, you get a little cranky.

But, all in all, if I can even complain about these minor things, it means that everything is going well.

Take care,
K