Having a baby, or two or three, wrecks your body. Carrying twins does all sorts of terrible pulling and stretching and wrinkling things to your body. Having a high risk pregnancy, living in a hospital, and caring for special needs babies sucks the life and color from your skin. You turn gray. Your skin gets dry. You see more wrinkles in 1 year than you have in the previous 31.
I was looking at my ravaged body and assessing the damage. I have thought recently about getting some sort of surgical intervention to repair my stomach. No amount of dieting or exercising can fix what having twins did to my stomach. My weight and pant size will never again align in a normal way. I even talked to my dad about all this. My dad. That's how much it's been bothering me. I made a decision today. To do nothing. Or, rather, to learn to love the changes in my body.
My body has become a passport. It's documented places I've been, things I've felt, and changes in my life. Who am I to try to alter the journey? I've earned every stretch mark, every piece of sagging skin, every wrinkle. Getting rid of them would be denying what has happened. So my decision is to let my body tell its story. Part of getting old is accepting that I have a story and what better way to go back and reread that story than to look at myself and celebrate all I've been through.
I was also thinking about this because Alex has recently started to freckle. As a child and teenager, I hated my freckles. I hated being called "dirty" and I hated looking different than every magazine and movie star I idolized (let's face it...not very many freckle faces out there). I don't want my kids to go through this - or at least I want to try to slow down the self-hatred. So, I've been really talking up his freckles. Having him count them with me. Celebrating them. Telling him every freckle is a kiss from the sun. Because, when you think about it, each freckle means I left my house. I was outside enjoying the world. Each freckle means I ate outside with my friends in high school, went skiing, went on walks with my husband, went to the beach, or went on a hike. They are part of my story and I've learned over the years to really love them.
So, yes, I've decided that my freckles will be joined by sagging, loose skin. And they will be joined by wrinkles. And lackluster skin. They are all coming together to tell my story and they are all part of aging gracefully and accepting where I've been.
Not that I'm about to walk around in a bikini to show off the new body. Not everyone wants to read my story :)
Take care,
Kris
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4 comments:
What you say is so true! I am trying to get there mentally and accept my new figure. Maybe when Carter is 18 and I can exercise again I will be able to address my stomach.
I always wanted more freckles by the way- still do.
i think there's a good poi dog quote here: "you should wear with pride the scars on your skin / they're a map of the adventures & the places you've been".
also, elective surgery is a scary thing, because, in rare cases people wind up dead or with awful complications. i like your approach much better.
also, one thing i have since the pregnancy is varicose veins. i think i'm still in denial.
Okay, you're kinda freaking me out now.
Stretch marks, wrinkles, scars and other marks on our bodies just show what we have been trough and how strong we are. I am glad you have decided to embrace the physical markings of your strength!
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